Fatherhood & Achievement

Yep, it's time for a corny, manufactured holiday-inspired commentary designed to draw attention to my blog. Just remember that I am not the first to utilize this lame form of synergy, nor will I be the last.

Father's Day is not really a day of rest, relaxation, or celebration. That does not diminish its importance, but in all honesty, do many fathers actually have time to just sit back and let the day pass by?

Just like with Mother's Day, the thought is the reward, as we may enjoy a little more leisurely pace at breakfast, but will find ourselves back in the grind of a normal Sunday rather quickly, squeezing out every possible minute to take care of those things (both pleasurable or laborious) requiring our attention before the demands of our professional lives returns tomorrow. For some, real "work" is as much a part of today as any other, given the realities of our modern seven-day-workweek culture.

There is an opportunity, albeit brief, for fathers to use today to reflect on their personal progress, as parents, spouses, friends, and career-minded professionals. It is not inappropriately selfish for us to ask ourselves today, "has fatherhood made me a better person?"; or, "has fatherhood enhanced my professional life?"

Personal achievement is self-defined, but our ability to ascertain our progress or level of success is heavily dependent on external factors. Daily experiences, along with life-changing events of less frequency, alter our career path, challenge our dedication to pursuits of passions and interests, and necessitate individual decisions that either lead us closer or further from the goals we set for ourselves, for better and for worse.

Parenthood is a life-changing event. My wife and I knew it would be, never mind the dozens of coworkers, friends, and family who told us relentlessly to be prepared once we found out my wife was pregnant. Since our daughter was born last February, we have worked hard to meet the challenges her presence presents for ourselves, our time, and our desire to give her the best life possible.

Most adults possess a desire, at some level, to become parents. This natural instinct does require nurturing in order to prepare oneself for the true reality of the situation once it arrives. For some, the interest never turns into a passion close to, equal, or greater than their other pursuits. Sometimes, they counteract their lack of strong desire by expressing frustration with those who are parents.

Television shows, particularly sitcoms, feature episodes where professionals without children lament and complain about their coworkers never work late or leave early because their son or daughter has a game or recital, or how they cannot enjoy a meal in a restaurant because of some crying baby in a booth across the dining room. They may even go as far as some hair brained scheme to shame the parents among them of how selfish they are in forcing their children, indirectly, upon the lives of those who "choose" not to have them, as if being childless provides a greater benefit to society.

However, this is not an article about whether or not we have a responsibility as adults, especially if we are happily and lovingly married, to have children and accept the duty of parenthood. Regardless of how you feel now, it is likely you felt differently about it at another point in life, or will feel different about it in the future. With the exception of a few (among them, my wife, whose strongest personal passion was and is motherhood) there is little consistency in our beliefs on the issue, consistent with the dominant traits of humanity.

Therefore, what does fatherhood (or motherhood) yield that enhances our lives from a professional perspective? How do we identify the arrival of our sons and daughters, and the daily challenges they create in our pursuit of personal passions and interests that often drive our goals and visible life successes, as providing strength and benefit to our careers?

First, having children often elevates our status with those around us. Parenthood is a milestone that is perceived by society to possess additional responsibility and commitment that can add value to how others assess our character. If new parents choose to recognize this change in external perspective and respond in kind by setting the right example in raising their children, as well as in their handling of professional duties, then the circumstances only magnify our potential. If we ignore and behave unprofessionally, or hold on too much to our pre-parenthood pasts, then the bestowed stature will be lost, and our presence at the workplace or within a community will fade into irrelevance.

Next, if we choose to embrace the roles and responsibilities of parenthood, we are forced to make decisions that reduce or restructure our involvement in various pursuits. Broad career goals are often drilled down to those that apply most to the skills and interests we either have the most involvement in or tie strongest to personal passions. Choosing to carefully evaluate and improve one's focus in order to strengthen career opportunities enables us to establish ourselves as knowledgeable and experienced authorities on specific topics, subjects, or skill sets, increasing our professional value. Without this channeling, an unfocused career tends not to gain master competency of anything, weakening an individuals ability to market themselves for advancement over time.

Finally, our decision-making skills as parents set examples that can greatly influence not only our like abilities in the professional world, but also the consideration of current and future supervisors, bosses, investors, or clients. Children may not always behave properly, and at times can be downright nasty. A parent's response to these circumstances, and the manner in which it either changes their child's behavior or modifies the situation as a whole, are critical evaluations of our capabilities as mature adults in the eyes of many onlookers. Mothers and fathers who handle the situation in a manner that displays confidence and obtains a positive end result earn praise and opportunities, while those who only magnify the problem with their own antics usually receive public disapproval.

In each example, the manner in which we approach the gift of parenthood is the key to its potential impact on our ability to pursue and achieve in the professional world. Whether we want it or not, the arrival of a child does automatically identify us to everyone else as mothers and fathers. We cannot avoid these labels, and it is in our best interest, with respect to the future of our newest family members and the potential for personal career success, to embrace these new identities and display the same commitment to their responsibilities as we have to our other passions and interests.

On this Father's Day, I can reflect on the year-and-a-half of experience my daughter has provided me and recognize how she is responsible for a great deal of success in my own career. This is not the best gift she gives me today, for her presence, love, and trust are far greater blessings that cannot be compared. However, we would all be blind if we did not see just how much the lives of our children add not only to our world at home with family, but also to our success in the professional workplace.